This weeks challenge is overcoming reality of the situation and remaining focus.
A week today, I went to see my Oncologist to discuss the way forward. This was going to be a difficult meeting with my Dr due to my recent op and its findings. When I had my liver resection in January, I certainly didn’t expect to be back in hospital in May for an appendix op. I just wasn’t ready for further a operation, nevertheless I was truly sick of being a patient. 4 operations in 14 months, now I’m not looking for sympathy but the reality is when you have cancer you have to be prepared to accept the unexpected as you don’t have control over the situation.
This appointment was to discuss the facts of the current situation, the Oncologist informed me that my cancer had spread and net tumours were located in the mesoappendix. He informed me that the disease was progressing quiet rapidly, which I then asked “how long do I have”. He told me that I have years rather than months but it would be a good idea to start actioning my bucket list immediately as my health is deteriorating and I might be too sick to do activities in the not to distant future.
This was shocking news and no one ever wants to think they are dying especially so young. My immediate thoughts were, how do I tell the family and will I ever work again. My family are both in the UK & Ireland so not really on my doorstep and I do miss work terribly. It’s the 1st time, in 16 months I said “why me” and “how did this happen”. During this week I was experiencing the angry phase too ” why did doctors not detect my symptoms sooner” and ” why was I only diagnosed at Stage 4″ the final stage. I have since calmed down, nevertheless those feelings may come back again with many tears.
The bucket list, I gave it some thought previously and have considered things in the last week including taking ownership of some goldfish. My husband bought me the goldfish this week, which I will discuss further in next weeks challenge. I have came to the conclusion that a bucket list is so final and could be too much pressure. Why put pressure on myself when trying to deal with an illness just makes no sense to me. I will wing it, I will attempt to do things when I can and just make the most of life. This would not be everyone’s decision but Ive been very fortunate in life to have travelled and reach my own personal goals. I will continue to be the proactive person I am as long as my health allows me too. Live life to the fullest is my motto.
8 thoughts on “Weekly Blog No 10 – Overcoming Reality.”
Hi Kat! I don’t have a “bucket list” but a “live it” list. I like the sound of it–much more positive I think. We do what we can for now and keep on keepin on! Sucks to hear not great news from your doctor. I look forward to the story about your new little fishy’s!
Hey Kat…we are in a rough boat, aren’t we? I have a funny-if-you-are-kinda-warped story… We had suspected my diagnosis for quite awhile, but suspecting and knowing is two different things. We found out for sure on December 5, 2013. About a week later my husband and I were talking about Christmas shopping and I just started crying my eyes out. He started hugging me and telling me it was going to be okay, that he was going to take care of me and the kids and the dogs and he would make sure things were as easy as possible and I was comfortable at the end. I cried harder, and told him that I didn’t want him or anyone to buy me presents, because it would be a waste of money, since I was going to die. (I was appealing to his logical, frugal side, because he is an engineer) Well, my sweet, mild-mannered husband jumped up from the couch and just EXPLODED! He yelled at me, “If you EVER say anything that stupid again, I promise you it will NOT be a neuroendocrine tumor that kills you”!!! In all of my years of knowing him I had never heard raise his voice to me or the kids (he won’t even yell to call them to the dinner table from a different room), the shock of him yelling stunned me for a second, then I laughed til I almost fell over… I live as presently in the moment as I can today. I am trying to do a couple things that I have wanted to do, but hadn’t gotten around to previously. I quickly dismissed the “bucket list” concept, because it just didn’t sit right with me. Just do what works, as you can.
Just know that a lot of people think about you a lot and send good vibes your way.
Thank you so much for reading my blog. Your story is an interesting one too and very similar to mine. Please stay in touch Amber and we can support each other. Zebra hugs. 🙂
I never did a bucket list either. But, I do try to take every opportunity that presents itself, if I am attracted at all. Even though I have had to battle the carcinoid syndrome diarrhea last week, I went fly-fishing for two days in the Colorado mountains when invited. And.. my wife and I went on a three day, 900 mile round trip to Mesa Verde National Park. Both adventures were worth the struggles with the disease.
May you have the best possible outcomes,
You are an inspiration to us all. I admire that you continue life and make the most of every opportunity. Keep up the good work.
As Amber Scott points out, we must live in the moment. Even if the doctors give us a bad prognosis (yours and Amber’s are harder to bear than mine!) each of us with NETs is different. My oncologist has complained about that! Like many doctors, she will not give a “how long I have” estimate. But I can read the statistics.
The past is gone and cannot be replayed.
The future doesn’t exist so cannot be known.
Live in the moment.
Namaste (In Hinduism it means “I bow to the divine in you.”)
No bucket lists for me either, just the intention to do what I can when I can, and enjoy all the good things in my life😃 Xx
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Exactly why burden yourself lol 😀x