This weeks challenge is overcoming reality of the situation and remaining focus.
A week today, I went to see my Oncologist to discuss the way forward. This was going to be a difficult meeting with my Dr due to my recent op and its findings. When I had my liver resection in January, I certainly didn’t expect to be back in hospital in May for an appendix op. I just wasn’t ready for further a operation, nevertheless I was truly sick of being a patient. 4 operations in 14 months, now I’m not looking for sympathy but the reality is when you have cancer you have to be prepared to accept the unexpected as you don’t have control over the situation.
This appointment was to discuss the facts of the current situation, the Oncologist informed me that my cancer had spread and net tumours were located in the mesoappendix. He informed me that the disease was progressing quiet rapidly, which I then asked “how long do I have”. He told me that I have years rather than months but it would be a good idea to start actioning my bucket list immediately as my health is deteriorating and I might be too sick to do activities in the not to distant future.
This was shocking news and no one ever wants to think they are dying especially so young. My immediate thoughts were, how do I tell the family and will I ever work again. My family are both in the UK & Ireland so not really on my doorstep and I do miss work terribly. It’s the 1st time, in 16 months I said “why me” and “how did this happen”. During this week I was experiencing the angry phase too ” why did doctors not detect my symptoms sooner” and ” why was I only diagnosed at Stage 4″ the final stage. I have since calmed down, nevertheless those feelings may come back again with many tears.
The bucket list, I gave it some thought previously and have considered things in the last week including taking ownership of some goldfish. My husband bought me the goldfish this week, which I will discuss further in next weeks challenge. I have came to the conclusion that a bucket list is so final and could be too much pressure. Why put pressure on myself when trying to deal with an illness just makes no sense to me. I will wing it, I will attempt to do things when I can and just make the most of life. This would not be everyone’s decision but Ive been very fortunate in life to have travelled and reach my own personal goals. I will continue to be the proactive person I am as long as my health allows me too. Live life to the fullest is my motto.