Weekly Blog No 127 – My Life Continues

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Kat who dreamed of travelling the world but she was stuck down with a disease called cancer. How her life changed……

No one can prepare you for life with cancer, it’s an ongoing assault course. I don’t want pity but everyday its a challenge. It’s wasted energy, which I would have preferred to use in my career. Cancer was not my chosen career, however it is a full time job of manoeuvring through symptoms, medication, side effects, appointments and procedures.

My last blog, I did mention there may be more tests between appointments. Subsequently there was, I even had some scans last Sunday, ready for my Oncologist next week. Hopefully he will have a treatment plan, which may involve a clinical trial with PRRT. As soon as I’ve been to the appointment, I will update you within a couple of days.

I’ve also been to see my Neurologist, who would still like to stick a needle in my head. I’ve chosen the less invasive action of increasing my medication for migraines. Sometimes the medication is not so effective that the only solution is a drink of Coke or Pepsi. Don’t ask me why it works but it does.

Let’s move on to more happier events in life. Mr Zebrakat has been awarded a Fellow in the construction industry. There was an award ceremony in London and I couldn’t be more prouder of him. He deserves the acknowledgement for his contribution to the construction industry

Whilst in London, we went to the London Docklands Museum. I will do a separate blog for that visit.

Although going out is a challenge, Mr Zebrakat & I have adapted to my needs. Only now, did I had realise what precautions we actually take to make travel more accessible for me. It’s become the norm for us but there is a degree of planning & organisation. You learn to adapt very quickly and I’m sure it’s the same for any illness.

The story continues……….

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Weekly Blog No 126 – Cancer Update

This was my Facebook update for family and friends.

Unfortunately I’ve been a little quiet recently as I’ve been suffering with abdomen pain and a suspected partial bowel obstruction. I had a Pet Scan beginning of May, it was first one since last year. I did have a couple of CT scans in Feb, which revealed cancer in the abdomen. Well yesterday I went to the RF to discuss my current problems and the results from the Pet Scan. Although it was a great appointment with my Oncologist, he did kindly tell me “I was a complicated case”, my reply was “I did tell you I wasn’t straightforward”.

Now Im going to tell you the findings from the Pet Scan, I have cancer in the abdomen in various places, however there is something of concern on the left side were I have intense pain. Furthermore, I have additional cancer spread on the liver. Subsequently I will have CT’s to the thorax, abdomen, pelvis and liver in the next couple of days. The Oncologist will have a multi discipline team meeting to discuss my case. I may have to have additional tests before I see him again mid June. The proposal is a tablet form of chemo therapy or a clinical trial of Peptide Receptor Radionuclide Therapy. This will be discussed in more detail, once he sees me again and I will explain it more to you.

My thoughts: Something has to done about the continuous progression, I do find that I’m constantly saying that I have progression to you all in my updates, however the fight goes on. Obviously my 4th surgery last Nov didn’t buy me time like I initially thought, hey ho there you go. If I have this chemo, there’s some nasty side effects that I don’t want to experience and PRRT is the last resort treatment for my cancer. However PRRT can slow down progression so its definitely a bonus. I will keep doing what I’ve been doing and that is trying to enjoy life. Life is so precious.

Sorry I haven’t done personal messages but there’s too many people to do and easier this way. 😍

Love to you all. ❤️

Weekly Blog No 124 – A Hard Week/Death

This week has been a hard week on so many levels. For a while, I have been experiencing problems since my last surgery in Nov. I suspect I have a partial bowel obstruction. I knew at some point I would get another bowel obstruction from either scar tissue or dandelions (tumours) but just not this soon. My recent bloods have recently shown high and low level readings, therefore my bloods etc were retested on Friday.

When speaking to my GP/FP about the situation he said “the surgeon wouldn’t operate again”. It’s not the first time I’ve heard such words and I’ve defined the odds. Nevertheless I think my surgeon would as he appreciates complicated cases and also the challenge. In reality the GP/FP and his thought process is right because I’m sure my abdomen looks like a plate of spaghetti with a few dandelions(tumours) thrown in for a pop of colour.

You all know my last op in November was not very pleasant for me and I am in double digits were op’s are concerned. I’m still super sensitive were any medical treatment is given to me, which involves a degree of pain. This week, I had hip injections to eliminate pain and boy did it hurt. I came out of the medical facility saying to Mr Zebrakat “why do I put myself through this”. The answer to my own question is, I have no choice. If I want to sleep at night, it has to be preformed. I’m also waiting for my surgeon/team to return my call, regarding a course of appropriate action to be taken. Let’s see what develops over the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, I have my PET scan the beginning of May.

Since the last op, my abdomin feels slightly distorted and even the open wounds have healed larger than a normal scar line. At this moment, I don’t necessary like what I see, nevertheless they are survival scars and no one is going to see them. After all, it doesn’t really effect me as they are just scars at the end of the day. Furthermore the scars are not on show for all to see, therefore I do embrace them as survival.

On a positive note, I have lost a lot of weight since my last op (that could be considered as good or bad thing). Now to me its a blessing in disguise unless told otherwise as I’m going back to my original shape. Obviously when the undetected cancer was growing, my body was just inflating from hormones secreted from the dandelions. Even back in the day my physical trainer from the army would see me twice a week to torture me. He could never understand why I wasn’t losing weight from the exercise regime I was carrying out. It was always an unresolved puzzle and I consequently learned to live with the matter of contention. Regardless of feeling ill at times, people nowadays can’t believe how good I look. They are seeing a slimmer me and I’m seeing a sick person. The biggest thing they notice is the weight loss, in spite of me living with ongoing daily symptoms. Nowadays my clothes can be purchased off the rack without even having tried them on. It is an excellent feeling whether you are sick or not.

This week, I was informed of two friends passing away from cancer. Both suffered from different cancers, yet they were both so brave in their own right. It’s been rough week emotionaly for me and their families. One of my friends, even though we had different cancers we had similar symptoms in some respects. It was like I was opening up the suppressed emotions of death. Don’t get me wrong I am realistic, I knew one day that I would die of the disease, still I was living in the moment. I think these emotions were brought forward due to my friends passing from the disease and me dealing with more symptoms with no possible outcome but death in time.

No one wants to be faced with death. I’ve heard the phase used before, we could all die tomorrow crossing the road etc etc still bottom line is that its unexpected, with cancer you’re dying slowing and not all of a sudden. Yes we all know we are going to die one day, however we don’t know when or how, it’s the unknown. Please don’t be alarmed I don’t think I’m there yet, in spite of medical aid, I know deep down I’ve exhausted that. Therefore organs have to start failing to work efficiently. I could use another one of my nine lives and live for years, who knows. Under the circumstances it would be normal to think this way. I’m sure I will again and again, nevertheless it’s gave me a kick in the butt to get my paperwork in order. I did have anything in order in Canada but I haven’t completed everything in the U.K.

Cancer and death thoughts are always going to dovetail with one and another. Even patients who are cured with cancer will have had these thoughts somewhere throughout their journey. People who haven’t had cancer and who know of someone who’s had cancer will immediately think death. Bottom line the thoughts are unavoidable.

Weekly Blog No 120 – Latest Update – 5 Year

I recently informed you that I had a scan at the local hospital and I felt the Radiologist was basically blindfolded when writing my report. As suspected he or she was, my Oncologist reviewed the scans and informed me that I still have disease/tumours in the peritoneal, mesenteric and the liver. I know scans can be hard to review sometimes but even I knew I wasn’t out the woods. I must admit, I was hopeful that my previous op had eliminated all the disease from the peritoneal and the mensenteric . Never mind, the dandelions endeavour to take hold of my body but I shall keep attempting to eliminate them if the opportunity arises. I think this ‘Kat’ has nearly exhausted her nine lives.

On the 11th March 2013, I was rushed into hospital in tremendous pain with no suspicion of what was going on. Early that morning I was operated on, and later informed that I had bowel obstruction surgery. The surgeon sat on my bed informing me I possibly had cancer and I would have to wait for the pathology report. That day changed my life, nothing seems more important than family and friends at that moment. How was I going to break the news to everyone. One of the biggest things I’ve had to do in life and it started with Mr Zebrakat. This was the day that I decided to continue to be positive and whilst speaking to the universe, please give me 5 more years at least to achieve some things in life.

Well it was 5 years on 11th March 2018 and I was Genoa, Italy 🇮🇹. Let me explain, last week I went on a Mediterranean cruise, which was a birthday gift from Mr Zebrakat. It was initially booked to go on the day before my birthday so that we could celebrate on the ship, nevertheless my body had other ideas and he postponed the trip until March.

It made me nervous in many ways, even though I was feeling better. I still had issues that were still being addressed via medication. You can take all the precautions in the world but no one day is the same. I could be swinging from the ropes one minute and be considerably unwell within the next 5 mins. I’m sure anyone who has be fine one minute and sick the next will understand the rapid change in health. It’s not ideal but I have learned to live with it and to just take day by day. Mr Zebrakat of course makes everything more bearable and is never agitated or inconvenienced by my health issues. I’ve never known someone to be so chilled and who naturally goes with the flow. I guess Mr Zebrakat has adapted too and is grateful I’m still here. The story could be so so different as many of my cancer friends who were diagnosed the same time as me are no longer here. RIP all of you. 🙏

Unbeknown by Mr Zebrakat, when postponing the trip he didn’t realise that it was my butt dart week. It’s always hell going into it and hell coming out of it. As we had left very early on the Friday morning and my injection wasn’t due until the Monday, the earliest I could have had the injection was Saturday. Oh hell, what am I going to do was my thoughts. I did speak to my dear cousin, who’s a very experienced ER (Emergency Care) Nurse and who occasionally works on cruise liners. She gave me some invaluable advice. This is what I took from our discussion. 1. Make sure you take plenty of morphine with you. 2. If the butt dart was given by the medical team on the ship, it sounded like a lot of red tape. Therefore the responsibility fell on Mr Zebrakat shoulders with my guidance and no precious training of injecting intramuscular. I was a little anxious and of course he was too but he didn’t show it. Superstar ⭐️

I have to say my current nurse is lovely but I can feel the pain and have some blood on occasions from the injection. She has made my easier in many ways, crossing the line to get me assistance, therefore I’m reluctant to let her go.

Mr Zebrakat was so gentle, which is hard to believe when the diameter of the needle is like a nail, maybe a slight exaggeration. There was no pain and no blood and just a sheer relief from both of us. I think now that he’s ok with it, we will have greater freedom and not necessary be committed to being available for my butt dart appointment. Oh Mr Zebrakat, I forgot to tell you, the next one is due Easter Monday when the medical practice is closed.

Now this is the part I’m kicking myself about, I do consider myself to be very well organised. In fact I’m proud of my organisation skills and it’s a quality that Mr Zebrakat will always comment on. Well remember the good advice my dear cousin gave about morphine. Well I failed miserably by forgetting my morphine. This is a lesson for anyone taking medication, you must double and triple check everything. Mr Zebrakat said he never ask me, because he knew I was always so organised. Ha ha not this time and I paid for it too.

When my last morphine was dispensed by the chemist it wasn’t dispensed in original box. Yes it had the appropriate label on the white box but the contents were made up of left over packets. I know that is fine but when dealing with customs etc who have inquisitive minds it could look a little bit suspect. Therefore my plan was to take my morphine in an original box and the contents to be full strips of medication. Makes sense right, but I forgot to do it and brought no morphine. My cousin is most probably saying now, what did I tell you, I know lol. Well I went into withdrawal and tried to manage the pain with off the shelf pain meds throughout the trip. Being the tough cookie I am, I’ve got by but it did prove a couple of things to me. I can stop morphine when needed, clearly not the appropriate way. I’ve done it many times before including my recent visit to hospital, nevertheless I’m always put back on it for pain control etc. Holy smokes!!! when pain is not managed it is hell and withdrawal is diabolical. Lesson to everyone, double check your medication before leaving for a trip.

We knew that this trip, we would treat it like an all inclusive floating hotel. Not necessary get off the ship due to symptoms but enjoy what the ship has to offer and relax. We did theatre shows, fine dined, drank cocktails, enjoyed spa treatments & used thermal spa, watched movies, read books and went to the casino to have a go on slot machines. (We walked out the casino up in money). I will blog about the cruise next week.

I would like to send out a huge thank you London Luton Airport for assisting me with my illness. I managed to go through priority queues through security and the airline. A service they offer passengers who don’t require a wheelchair assistance but have an illness. I did feel a little guilty because I look ok but my symptoms are not. I actually did get a few stares from passengers and I’m suspect people just assumed I was a staff member as I walked passed them. When I got to the cruise ship, I had paid for priority boarding to avoid queues. You know and I know, queues at airports and cruise line boarding is always long and time consuming therefore priority boarding was a great start to my holiday. I do feel a sense of achievement for getting to the cruise and for being on the cruise.

Written whilst sailing across the Mediterranean Sea until next time. Love to you all.X

Weekly Blog No 119 – Cancer Update

Cancer Update

Yesterday I went to London, to see my Net Consultant(Oncologist). My Consultant was being a host for two Consultants from another country. Therefore even though he asked my permission, which I agreed, the meeting didn’t go as I initially predicted. In principal, I did envision the responses to some of my questions. It was a very weird meeting in some respects as my Consultant was going in one direction but I wanted him to take another direction. My quizzical mind needed answers to my enigma.

He did advise me that they had debunked my body of tumours but I’m not tumour free. My liver is giving me a run for my money at the moment, which I believe to be tumour pain. The reason I can say this is, as a result of liver pain before I had a liver resection op, which involved removing tumours.

I had a recent local CT scan, which was totally useless as the Radiologist appeared to be blindfolded when viewing the scan to report. Therefore I’m going back to London for Ga68 Pet Scan for a better prospective. I had a series of bloods, some new meds and I will be back to see him again at the end of April. I shall look forward to seeing the results but as we all know, not all my tumours have shown up on any of the previous scans.

In the meantime, life goes on and I will continue to be proactive. I do believe the latest surgery has bought me time and I’m so grateful for that. ❤️

Weekly Blog No 112 – Overview of 2017

It’s been a few weeks since my last blog, due to me recovering from my surgery. I thought I would count how many blogs that I did last year and the result was only 20 blogs out of potential 52.

My health evidently had an impact on me posting blogs this year. I will endeavour to improve that number next year, even if it is just by one. On a positive note, my followers have increased in numbers and since commencing my blog in 2014, the number of views is approximately 12k. Woohoo.

Friends & Family

Thank you to friends and family for your continuous support. I have a huge amount of respect for people that consistently care and support Mr Zebrakat and I. Honestly from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. Specifically all the people who sent cards, flowers, plants, mags, chocs & sweets, biscuits and messages.

I have to be honest though and say there is a few people on my radar who haven’t fully supported me and that does shock me. In my eyes that can’t be justified why but maybe in their eyes they can, who knows. I’m certainly not going to invest anymore time wondering why.

Lottie (Dog)

She has settled into her new home and loves the garden. Just like in Canada, she likes to sit in the garden facing the sun catching the rays.

She has adapted so well with all the changes we have put her through including the construction on the house.

Thanks to K who looks after Lottie when I’m on appointments etc. Knowing your pet is in good hands is very reassuring and I have gained a coffee buddy too.

New Home

We been here for a year now and the changes to the property are progressing. New windows, stone window cills, shutter blinds, roof lights, guttering & downpipes, new brickwork, forming a new bathroom, knocking walls down, new stairs to loft, chimney removed, new fireplace, loft conversion etc.

The list is endless and I have to thank Mr zebrakat, my brother and nephew for their hard work. Your help to reach our goals has been invaluable and is really appreciated by both of us. Obviously various trades have done certain things but they moderately have been done by family.

Health

I’m sure most of you have read Weekly Blog No 111 – Post Op Update. I’m now 6 weeks post surgery and doing ok. My wound is still being dressed daily by the district nurses and has a little way to go. I’m no longer in pain, nevertheless I am still contending with symptoms that are relentless. No medication at this moment in time is helping but hopefully that will change.

I still haven’t received my post op follow up appointment but my Net Cancer team are chasing it for me. I will have scans again just before the beginning of February before seeing my Net Cancer Consultant. Mr Zebrakat and I have a lot of questions for that appointment but I’m unsure if we will get satisfactory answers.

Despite the endless scans this year, I don’t have complete faith in them. I will continue to listen to my body, which has consistently given me warnings of tumour activity. I think 4 times on the surgical table makes me an expert in some respects. I definitely feel a lot lighter having less organs. Hopefully this coming year is going to be a more healthy year with less issues.

Hobbies

Well, I did have a successful year gardening. My first year of sowing seeds and planting cuttings did indeed produce various fruits and vegetables. I will attempt sow directly into my vegetable boxes next year to see if I am as successful with my crops.

My reading of books hasn’t stopped but I have been completing books at a much slower pace this year. This year I’ve been lucky enough to be in contact with a couple of authors whose books I read. I’m always amazed how they produce such wonderful work with an outstanding imagination. Were would we be without books.

Travel is on the cards next year and optimistically my health won’t prevent me from reaching those goals.

Theatre visits is a must, there is a couple of big shows in London I want to see. Who doesn’t love a musical.

Overview

This year has been quiet challenging, nevertheless I’m still here to tell the tale. I’m so grateful to the surgeon for making me pain-free and possibly extended my life a little. I’ve learned new skills in the garden and been covered in the bottomless pit of dust through building work. I’ve spent quality time with people I love. Furthermore Mr Zebrakat wins the award for husband of the year for his love and dedication as always.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Love to you all. ❤️
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Weekly Blog No 70 – My Unsung Hero

 

This weeks blog is about the unsung hero. My No 1 unsung hero (as I have a few) is Mr Zebrakat aka J my husband. I am very biased to be honest were J is concerned. I guess I’m his number 1 fan.

J is always at my appointments and this week without fail he was there again supporting me. I’m never nervous about scanning and testing periods, however J manages to make them fun by his constant wit. He really is a funny man. He never complains about anything and he’s there to hold my hand, my coat or whatever I need. I always make sure I thank him to show him my appreciation although I’m positive he would  appreciate an Audi more.

I always say to him, your life is consumed by me, whether it’s assisting in some aspect or taking me to appointments. His response is, you would do it for me. That is true but no one wants to put someone in that place. J has never made me feel a burden or an inconvenience in his life.

I’m quiet unique that I am strong but J makes me feel stronger because of his support. I don’t know where I would be without him to be honest. I do feel we all have an unsung hero and mine is my husband.

Thank you J for always be there for me and please believe me when I say, I do appreciate every morsel of you. ❤

Who’s your unsung hero?

Weekly Blog No 65 – Complacent

I think we have all been complacent sometime in our life’s, whether its in relationships, work environment or daily routines. Personally I think I’m guilty of all of the above in one way or another.

Today I realised that I have become complacent again but this time with my health. I had got so comfortable with my cancer and didn’t appreciate the impact that it could change at some point. Let me explain, I’m very aware that my cancer can cause reoccurring tumours and I’ve had 3 ops to prove that. Furthermore I know my liver still has tumours and maybe some others elsewhere waiting to be spotted by the Gallium 68 Pet Scan. However in the last few weeks I have been getting swollen lymph nodes in my neck and the first course of action would be a scan. Its been a persistent problem for approximately 4 weeks. As I am due for a week of scans and tests at the beginning of March in London, it seems very sensible to wait.

On Monday, I returned to my Family Physician (Dr I), who I will say is lovely and I have fell on my feet again with my Primary Care Doctor. I thought I would never achieve the relationship I had with my Family Physician (Dr K) in Canada. Dr I, suggested that as I had to wait a few weeks for my scans that I should see an ENT Specialist. This was a sensible move as I have no sign of fever or infection. Today I was on the phone with Mr Zebrakat when the land line rang and it was Dr I. Never in a million years did I think it was my Dr, but she called to advise me that the Specialist felt that as it was likely to be cancer, I should be seen by my Oncology Specialist. I called my Oncology Team and I’m going to wait for my scans, however in the meantime, I have to go and see my Dr again and maybe have another type of scan.

Now anyone who knows me, knows I don’t waste time on worry, its wasted energy. Yet today I realise that I could have a secondary cancer. This is were I had become very complacent, never in the slightest had I or I will say I, would have ever considered the possibility of getting a secondary cancer.  What’s stupid about that statement is, that I know of people who have a secondary cancer. Did I think I was invisible.

Surely cancer should be enough to be on guard all the time. This is a lesson to everyone you can’t be complacent were your health or cancer is concerned. I will keep you all updated and continue to pass my time attempting to paint when I have the energy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weekly Blog No 64 – It’s My Birthday

Its been nearly a month since I last posted, due to me not feeling 100%. Over the next month I will be going through a serious amount of scans and tests. Although I’m still feeling the effects of what cancer has to offer, I’m truly grateful to be here and celebrating yet another birthday. It’s my third birthday since diagnosis. Whoop whoop

It’s hard to imagine this time last year I was in Canada enjoying coffee and cakes with close friends. The previous year I was preparing for my liver resection. This year I’m preparing for scans and tests. 

What does the future year hold;

I shall attempt painting using watercolours and ink. I believe practice does make perfect. Trust me, i need the practice, it’s been years since I’ve held a paintbrush. Just to provide clarification it’s not paniting by numbers either. 

I want to see more of Europe and I’m just putting into place travel insurance to ensure that I have continuity of care if needed. The rest is taken care by J,  suitcase carrier, drinks fetcher, sunbed chaser, sun cream tech and of course he’s Bank of England for any future transactions required. Lol 

Just a final note in relation to my forthcoming scans/tests. I am usually a very positive and strong person, however i can’t help being concerned about the scan results this time around. I’m sure as time goes on you know that your buying time so it makes you more and more nervous, especially when you have issues.  I’m not ready for another op as I underwent 5 ops in 2 years. 

In the meantime, I will enjoy what today has to offer. Let’s just say,  I can use all of my 5 senses with the gifts that I have received so far. 😄